I don't know if you’ll get this but stick with me.
You get used to not having money. You don't necessarily feel comfortable with it, but it becomes a part of your experience. I, in a lot of ways, have been a struggling artist. I don't paint or sing, but I had a small business and struggling my way is a part of it. I can put money in savings from time to time and move funds from one account to another, but it's just never enough, is it?
Money is funny. A better way to say it is people are funny about money. It motivates you or demotivates you in ways you do not really expect. Most people would say they want more of it. We all could use more of it, but if you think about a habit, (good or bad) if all you know is not having money, it is a habit you do not always know how to break.
I need a “how to” on how to break the habit of broke. I want the work I have put into what I am good at. And I would love for it to pay off because when it doesn't, you question it. You question it all. Your worth, your talent, and your abilities to make things happen become a constant small voice in your head. So what’s the how to?
There are variables out of our control (taxes) and also ones that are consistent (college loans), but for me, college loans are not in and of itself what has caused my constant struggle with money. I have been told to move due dates to when accounts receivables are coming in. I could put college loans in forbearance. I should increase my fees and/or re-brand. Put it all down for a while to take the stress off.
In the end, all of these seem like great suggestions, but I just feel really stuck most days. I am a pretty happy person and have an incredible life, but when it comes to managing money and “making it work”, I just want to go back to 25 years old and start over.