I don't mind opening myself up. I actually don't mind being vulnerable. But maybe there is a part of me that does. Because as I thought about me and money, I don't have the same positive outlook as a Dave Ramsey or Susie Ormond. You feel so distant from the pain of your decisions. By that I mean, sometimes you can feel so stuck in the muck and mire that there seems like there is no way out.
I would consider myself a pretty intelligent woman. I do not spend frivolously. In fact, I am pretty mindful. But bad decisions and circumstances will cause your mind to feel shame. Even as I type this, I think to myself how the fuck did I get here. This is a longer story than you have time to read today so I'll just give you a tid-bit and share the rest next week. Maybe we can help each other dig ourselves out of the hole that we fell in.
I'll start with this: I was 24 years old, laid off from a job I hated and a close family friends suggested I start a business. Now to some that sounds really cool. But for me, some days it was the start of a bad horror film. Don't get me wrong, like anything else in life, the work that I've done over the last 12 years has been both good and bad.
But I didn't take time to pause and as a result I have IRS debt that I can't seem to get a hold of and no money management app is going to help me. When you are in the depths of despair around anything, it is hard to see the forest through the trees.
I do not have a next step other than bring on more clients for my other business, The Idea, Inc. But I feel trapped some days by decisions I have made. When you're married and want to continue to build a strong foundation for you, and now your mate, it feels like an urgency that is sometimes swallowing you whole.
No next steps, but it feels good to talk about it with you all.
So maybe we can pull ourselves out of the muck and mire together.
I'll tell you what happened in the last month that made this worse. Keep posted.