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Intimacy Part 1: Gilbert

Updated: Feb 12, 2019

Many people believe that true intimacy rises countless octaves above the physical connection you get through sex. What do you believe? It seems to me that we’re all so different and have the ability to feel or close ourselves off to feeling what we might not be quite prepared to deal with.

My personal and clearly non professional opinion on intimacy practiced at its highest level is that: it is absolutely so much more than sex. I’d classify true intimacy goals as the capability to sit together in silence and not feel odd, witnessed as recently as a few days ago when my wife and her mother sat in silence on the phone for a solid 8 minutes and 20 something seconds, so long that I asked if they were still talking, to which the response was, we do this all the time, we just enjoy being with each other. This one comment alone, really helped me rethink what intimacy meant for me, especially considering there are probably only less than a handful of people outside of family and family like friends that I desire to be intimate with to that extent. I also consider true intimacy to be the ability to converse with someone and really feel them and hear them, especially when it’s about me or my behavior - shit one more thing I need to seriously work on. You know, those conversations that cause you to self reflect and consider the other person’s feeling and perspectives without actually calling them an asshole in the process (in your mind, under your breath, aloud, or any version thereof).

The times I’ve felt the most intimate connections with people, in and out of the bedroom, have been when I’ve revealed myself fully, flawed, imperfect, uncertain, unrehearsed, financially challenged (broke as fuck), torn, tattered and raw as can be. Had I not recently taken to telling vulnerability to go fuck itself, said word might have been a viable candidate to describe the aforementioned adverbs, verbs and adjectives. None the less, whether you are qualifying intimacy as just sex or much deeper, achieving and practicing it an extremely high level takes time, creativity, understanding, patience, the willingness to listen and learn, and last but not least, it takes action.

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