Fuck Vulnerability

My version of vulnerability has always looked and felt a bit different than that of my peers. It's not that I don't believe in being vulnerable, it's just that I don't believe in practicing it in the same way so many others do. Maybe that makes me selfish or maybe that makes me emotionally healthy, either way it definitely makes my take on the big V unique.



Fuck vulnerability! No, I really mean that, fuck the motherfuckin' bitch ass mofo that is vulnerability!


Apologies for coming across so blunt and maybe even angry, but at this very moment you're getting a much less zen version of me. Had you gotten me in a more meditative state, I would have started this sans profanity and identified my beef with vulnerability much more gracefully. By definition, vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Now that we've gotten that outta the way, let's get back to why I don't particularly love what so many "experts" have deemed as one the largest factors in achieving deeper levels of intimacy with your partner.


I absolutely believe that there is real value in sharing your soul with someone and putting it all on the line, and I also believe that for one to be vulnerable with another human being, they must first be willing to be vulnerable with themselves. How transparent and honest are we with our own minds, bodies, and souls! When's the last time you dug really really deep and you just kept digging, peeling back layer after layer while figuratively lying in the fetal position and crying because the only source of nutrition (those pretty little lies we tell ourselves) you've come to rely on is being withheld? Trust me, this kind of pain is not for the faint of heart, but in doing so I've never felt so free, so calm, so present or so me. Once I identified what was hurting me, what was fueling me, what was bringing me joy, what was scaring me so much and all of the why's, sharing those things with others soon began feeling both easy and normal; not in that oversharing social media kinda way, but in that this is ME: flawed, dope, extremely self-aware and happy to be in life.


**If you're thinking about trying the aforementioned exercise with yourself, know that once mastered you'll find yourself being so open and honest about the most personal of things; so much so that people will begin believing that because this comes so easily to you that you are not really being vulnerable at all.**


Up until now you're probably still confused as to what my actual problem is with vulnerability (I'm getting there, sheesh, be patient). In short, I don't believe most people are being vulnerable because they want to share their deepest selves with us, connect with us, relate to us and flow through us. Maybe it's the skeptic in me, but I think misery really does love company and Mr./Mrs. Misery often says since I am feeling really shitty about my life right now I wanna know that your life ain't all that great either and it being worse would actually be icing on the cake. Not to mention mofos are out here giving pop quizzes and shit, randomly testing their mates to see whether or not revealing said thing will push their person away, only to, later on, say I knew you weren't really in this, I had a feeling all along you wouldn't accept me for who I really am. Well, your trick ass shoulda never opened an AMEX card in your ex's name, blew 9 racks at Barney's, falsified documents to get approved for a personal loan, totaled their car and then tried to flee the state. Da fuck you mean, I ain't a ride or die? You goddamn right, riding with your ass is fast-tracking me to the die part.


I'd be crazy to believe that souls touching and being intertwined through revelations of heartfelt experiences, positive and negative alike don't make people closer. Of course, it does, and when loved the right way, we shouldn't be living our lives with the overarching concern and expectation that communicating honestly with those we care about most may result in being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed. Experts or not, if that is what it takes for me to achieve heightened levels of intimacy with my mate, ya'll can keep that shit!

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CHRISPIN + CRANE Copyright 2018, all rights reserved

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